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  “Obviously not,” I finally said a little more tersely than I meant to. JoJo flinched back, but to her credit kept her stupid, sweet smile plastered to her face. It was the same damn fake smile I’d seen plastered on Marisol’s face all those times we hung out in my old life. Marisol was once my best friend, until she lied and told me she’d slept with Sweet as some big ruse to get me to leave him and go away to school with her. The joke had been on Marisol because I left all of them behind instead. I knew I shouldn’t judge JoJo by Marisol’s actions just because they favored one another physically, but I couldn’t help it.

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t be in the wedding Angel. I…”

  I tossed my head up to cut her sob story off. “No worries, JoJo. You weren’t missed.” Her features twisted with my words and I realized how harsh I sounded. “I meant without another couple to cram up there at the altar.” She said nothing. “I have to go. We have to drive all the way to Atlanta to catch our flight.”

  “I hope you two have a wonderful honeymoon. Congratulations, again.” Her words sounded genuine, even if they were tinged in hurt.

  “Thanks.” I almost regretted my attitude with her, but then I remembered she couldn’t be bothered to be there for me on my day. And fuck her. There really wasn’t a valid excuse for that.

  Chapter 18

  Waking up next to Jamie in our hotel suite in Hawaii was heaven. Her raven hair trailed over the pillow and cascaded off the side of the bed. Her dark lashes fanned out across her cheeks that had pinked a little already from the sun we were in yesterday. I reached over and entwined my left hand with hers admiring how our wedding bands touched up against each other. She was mine now. Truly. Body and soul. She belonged to me legally and through the eyes of our clubs as well. She was mine and I was hers.

  For the briefest of moments I toyed with the idea of telling her about Becca and my daughter. We were alone for the next five days, here in Hawaii. It would give us plenty of time to work out what we’re going to do without anyone else in our clubs interfering, but the longer I lounged in bed staring at my beautiful wife the less I wanted to ruin our honeymoon with more drama from our pasts. We had already lived through our fair share. Hell, we’d lived through most of it separately because our perfect moments had been ruined by others.

  It made me remember the perfect moment I had planned out for how I was going to propose to Jamie the day after her birthday when I got back from the run I was sent on. I had the candle-lit dinner planned, the ring picked out, I’d already asked Ghost for her hand, even though he’d given me permission with the promise he’d made the year before. I wanted to do everything right for her because she deserved no less than perfect. We had it all ripped out from under us by one destructively selfish girl and God help me, but I didn’t want to live through that kind of heartache again.

  “What are you thinking about so hard over there?” Her voice broke through my tormented thoughts and I managed to smile back down at her in time to catch sight of her unreal aqua colored eyes watching me steadily. If I hadn’t seen her dad rocking the same color eyes I would have sworn they were colored contacts when I first saw them. They’re that unreal.

  “Just debating where to take you this morning. We could go sightseeing, but that would mean leaving the bed and that would be depressing.”

  Her giggled response was music to my ears. “Can anything really be depressing in Hawaii?”

  “Yes. I can think of at least three things.”

  “Oh? Do tell what are these three things?”

  “Shark attack, the excessive use of Spam in meals, and not getting between your legs before any decisions are made today.”

  “Well, I can’t do anything about the first two, but if you come a little closer I could help with the third.” Her sly grin was the last thing I noticed before she tossed the covers off revealing her naked and waiting body.

  I was no idiot. I dove right in to enjoy my wife while I had her there all to my self. Her giggling rang out around me as I spread her thighs apart and licked right up her creamy center before bypassing her clit and blowing raspberries on her stomach.

  “You idiot!” She called amidst her laughter. Okay, so I was an idiot after all. My wife said so. I still wasn’t missing out on worshipping her body and making her happy in more ways than one as I did so. I planted kisses up her body, over her chest, and beyond to her shoulders, neck, and finally landed on her lips. I drank my woman in and became one with her without further hesitation. I slid inside her already wet channel and groaned as her velvety heat held me there in rapture, pulling around my cock like some blessed massage I never wanted to end.

  “I love you,” I whispered in her ear before pulling the lobe between my lips and giving a little suck while I pulled out and thrust back in with everything I had.

  “Oh God!” Her words were followed by a low moan as I continued with a fast, hard stroking pace. I was rubbing so close to her on the down stroke that my pubic bone ran riot across her clit causing her to gasp and scream out my name as she shattered around me, muscles contracting and squeezing me so tightly I couldn’t help but be pulled over into pure bliss with her.

  “Fuckin’ hell, sugar,” I started to tell her as I moved off to the side, dislodging myself from her and immediately regretting it as the wetness surrounding my cock began to cool in the air conditioned room. “You squeeze my cock so tight when you come there’s no holding back for me.” Her responding giggle was music to my ears, and balm for my battered soul. I didn’t want to think about Becca or the baby in this moment, but I couldn’t help having them shatter my peace as I wondered what it would be like if it were Jamie carrying my baby. I sat there, silently thinking as I twirled a piece of her dark hair through my fingers. Something inside me broke apart with the thought, because I didn’t want another woman carrying my baby. Only her. I didn’t want to think about the reason why she may never be able to do so, because that meant imagining another man’s baby growing inside of her and eventually taking her chances with it. Life had been particularly cruel to us so far, and it didn’t seem as though it was done putting us through the ringer just yet.

  “What has your brow all furrowed up like that after an orgasm?” She asked as her slight fingers trailed lightly across my forehead.

  I pulled her close and nuzzled into her neck, distracting her from the question. “Nothing, sugar. I was just thinking about how we need to look into finding a house when we get back rather than living between the clubhouses.”

  “Well, that sounds like a good idea, so why the frown?”

  “Just thinking about the daunting task of dealing with a realtor, and finding the perfect spot. I wish it could magically just happen, you know? Like, be there, ready for us when we get back.”

  “Yeah, that would be nice, but I’d rather be the one to pick out the home we’ll be in forever,” she stated. Damn if that didn’t make my heart soar and break all at once. What if she didn’t want me anymore once she found out? What if another woman’s baby was her breaking point? Fuck!

  “I need to grab a shower,” I told her as I heard my phone ping from the other room where I’d dropped it when we first got in last night.

  “Okay, I’m going to order us some breakfast,” she told me as I went in search of my phone and our bags. Glancing down at my phone revealed a slew of texts that had come in the past few hours, and they were all from one person. Becca. Damn it. I had gotten lucky that Jamie hadn’t wandered out first to see them. Just thinking that made my stomach clench tight. I had to tell her as soon as we got back from our honeymoon. There was no way I’d survive keeping this from her any longer. But damn it, I needed this time with her. We needed this time together, to be happy for just a fucking minute before someone ruined it for us. It was already a little too late for me, but it didn’t have to be for Jamie.

  We had been in Hawaii for three days already and I had caught Sweet furiously texting a handful of times, not to mention how he had ignored me for a phone
call on the beach the day before. He had walked off to take the call and hadn’t come back after two hours so I ended up doing my own thing for the afternoon. He wasn’t talking to me about it, so I figured it was club business. When I texted Quickshot to make sure everything was okay, he assured me all was quiet there. We only had two more days left in paradise, so I wondered briefly if he was just trying to set up some sort of surprise for me. It didn’t seem logical to ignore me or blow me off in order to do that though.

  Neither of us had spoken on our way down to dinner tonight, and even now, sitting here staring at the gorgeous surf and turf meal that had been laid out before me, I had lost my appetite over it. “I couldn’t stomach beef when I first got pregnant,” a feminine voice spoke from the table beside ours. She was an older woman and seemed to be remembering out loud. Then she looked right at me, her eyes drifting down to my mostly flat belly. I simply smiled at her, not wanting to encourage talk of babies that I most likely couldn’t have.

  “Are you on vacation?” She asked, and since Sweet was preoccupied with his phone, once again, I had no reason not to answer her and engage in conversation.

  “Honeymoon,” I explained, again with a wan smile.

  “That’s where my Jameson and I made our first baby,” the woman replied knowingly. “Maybe, you’ll be welcoming a little blessing into your home soon too.”

  My heart twisted at the notion. I wasn’t certain that would ever be in the cards for us. I’d even made sure to discuss the possibilities, or lack thereof, with Sweet before I agreed to marry him. I didn’t want him to resent me later for my inability to give him a child. I resented myself some days. I was angry that my life had led me to the choices I made and the baby I almost had with a man who turned his back on both our baby and me for a shot at an NFL career.

  “Maybe,” I told the woman quietly instead of letting her in on my body’s malfunctions. It wasn’t her damn business anyway. She was busy giving Sweet a disapproving look as he continued to be engrossed in his phone while our food grew cold before us. Finally, I had had enough and I reached into my pocket, pulled out enough cash to cover the dinner and tip, and tossed it on the table. I stood to leave then, and he finally noticed something, sort of. “You going to the bathroom, sugar?”

  I gave a non-committal, barely verbal grunt in response and walked away since he never even bothered to glance my way to see the horrified, heartbroken look I was no doubt wearing. I turned and left him there with whoever was keeping him company on the phone. Whoever it was, they were obviously more important than his wife, our dinner, or our honeymoon.

  I finally was able to get Becca to calm down and stay put until I could get back from Hawaii and go see her in person to hash out details about medical expenses, and how we were going to work out custody and visitation since she lived in West Virginia and I lived in Georgia now.

  It wasn’t just the issue of me being President of the Sierra High Chapter of Aces High keeping me there now. My wife had her club, businesses, and her life there too. We couldn’t just pick up and move easily. Becca was not even in the mood to discuss possibly moving to Georgia unless it involved me leaving my wife and becoming a family with her and our daughter. Obviously, we weren’t getting far trying to discuss this shit over text.

  “I hope all that typing you were doing was important,” an older lady at the table beside ours said to me as I glanced up from my phone finally. Normally, I would be polite, but I was so not in the mood after dealing with Becca for what seemed like hours. “It’s not really your business,” I told her firmly. She pursed her lips out in a disdainful expression.

  “No, I don’t suppose it is, but I had a bit of a conversation with your young lady while you were preoccupied,” she started telling me. She did? How had I not realized Jamie was talking to someone? She nodded at my puzzled expression. Hell, I had wondered if she’d gotten sick because, come to think of it, she had left for the bathroom a while ago. It was then I started noticing the world around me, the one that was painting a devastating picture for me. Our food was untouched, and cold. There was money on the table too. My eyes shot back up to the woman who was still watching me as I figured everything out.

  “She’s not in the bathroom, is she?” I asked, wincing at the fact that I needed a stranger to state the obvious for me.

  The lady cocked her head slightly and studied me. “I mentioned how I got pregnant on my honeymoon, and I think I inadvertently upset the poor thing. Probably because you’re too busy texting someone else on your honeymoon to make babies with her, or care if she left you here alone with your phone more than 15 minutes ago.”

  “Fifteen minutes ago?” I yelled as I stood. “She lost a baby and can’t have more, lady. She’s possibly a wreck right now, because of what you said.”

  “Well, how was I to know? The person who should have been there for her, who did know, during our conversation was too wrapped up in his phone to give her any support. That is on you! Do tell her I’m sorry for any heartache my insensitivity caused. She seemed like a lovely, if lonely, girl.”

  I was out of my seat and running for the exit before the woman finished speaking, but I’d heard enough. In trying to figure shit out before I had to let Jamie down with my secret, I ended up hurting her and letting her down anyway. Fuck! How had I lost an entire dinner plus 15 minutes of Jamie being gone? Becca. That’s how. Damn it. It took me another 15 minutes to walk back to our hotel since I had exited through the wrong door of the restaurant and gotten turned around. I attempted to call Jamie, but she had apparently turned her phone off. Then mine died when I was trying one more time to reach her. Fuck my life!

  I had walked back to our hotel, gone upstairs, and started packing my bags without a single word from Sweet. Not a text, a call, nothing. He had apparently not even realized I was gone yet. Hell, we had only been married four days and my husband was already so caught up in someone or something else that I was invisible. We were on our damn honeymoon, for Christ’s sake.

  After 20 minutes I shut my phone down. If he had no clue I was gone in that amount of time I didn’t want to hear from him. I zipped the last of my things into my suitcase and set it down on the floor. I reached into the nightstand for the little pad of paper and pen to write a letter to my idiot husband in case he ever figured out I left.

  Sweet,

  Since you’re more concerned with whomever you’ve been communicating with on your phone during our honeymoon I’m leaving to allow you all the time you need for THAT person. I can celebrate my honeymoon at home by myself, just as well as I can here. Only there, at least I’ll have people to lean on when I need them. You know where to find me when you realize I’m not actually around anymore. I’m going home.

  Angel Girl

  Normally, I would have signed my real name, but I was mad so he didn’t deserve Jamie. Instead, he got Angel Girl, because she was my tougher side who didn’t take shit from the people who were supposed to care about her. I left the note on the bed, snatched up my suitcase and walked out the door.

  I wasn’t sure if I could trade my ticket in on an earlier flight back home, but I was damn sure going to try when I got to the airport. I couldn’t believe I was leaving my honeymoon two days early, and alone.

  “Can I help you, ma’am?” The bellboy asked me as I moved out of the hotel and into the last remains of the day.

  “I need a cab to the airport,” I explained as he worked on flagging down a car for me. I could have sworn I heard someone call out to me, but the bellboy had a cab waiting and motioned me over at the same moment.

  Just as I shut the door and told the driver I was headed to the airport, my cab door was snatched back open. “What the hell?” I called out.

  “Jamie, stop. Please, get out of the car.” Sweet stood there looking a decent mix of pained and furious.

  “No,” I told him. “I’m going home. You do what you want. That’s what you’ve been doing anyway.

  “There’s been club shit and Quicks
hot…” he started to say when I pushed a foot towards his chest and kicked him away from my door.

  “We promised no more lies would come between us, and when I turned invisible to you I texted Quick to make sure everything was okay. He said it’s blissfully quiet back home, and for me to go enjoy my honeymoon before my husband got mad that I was on the phone with another man. You just lied to me. I don’t know why, and now I don’t care, because we’re only four days into our marriage and you already broke your promise to me.” I shut the door and signaled for the driver to leave.

  I watched as the taxi carrying my love pulled away with my heart inside, and a piece of my soul was lost to that moment. I couldn’t believe she left me, on our honeymoon. The honeymoon I had ruined, because Becca was making all kinds of threats about going to Ghost and telling him everything. Fuck!

  The old lady’s face from dinner came to mind; along with the conversation she’d mentioned having with Jamie. How the hell was I supposed to tell my wife that another woman was carrying my baby when she would probably never be able to? How was I ever going to be able to tell her?

  It took me a few minutes to pull my shit together before I realized I’d never have a chance to say shit to her again if I didn’t go after her now. I couldn’t survive losing Jamie again. I hauled ass to my hotel room and packed as quickly as I could after I found the note she’d left for me. It was one more gut punch, reality check about how bad I was screwing everything up.